Thursday, September 17, 2009

Not Speaking Up

My husband and I have been on a journey over the past 11 months. Last October, I quit my job. I very much felt that God was leading me to do so. It was a job that paid relatively well and made use of the master's degree for which I had worked so hard.

After 11 months, several job interviews, but no viable job - we believe God has given us a plan. Part of that plan is joining the counselor at my church and doing some counseling part time. I have been given unbelievable favor here and am so grateful. The other part of the plan - the keep us afloat financially part - is working in food service.

I have this ugly beast in me - it's name is Pride. I can feel it in my chest and it makes me slightly sick to my stomach when it begins to stir around. Pride whispers "you are a failure to have this job. You have your master's degree!"

My inner beast reared it's head today while behind the counter at my "day job." I'm bebopping along enjoying the pace and the people that food service offers and in walk two leaders from my church. Both of them end up being helped by someone else, but I feel I should say hello. Both say my name and then get a surprised/confused look on their faces. In this moment, Pride would have me say "hi there (name)! You didn't know I was working here? I am doing this because I really believe that God wants me to be a counselor at the church. And I can be such a witness to the people here....." It would have been honest. But I am learning to not try to justify myself to others, so I kept my mouth shut. And my beast was hurt - and so was I a little.

I know Jesus has something for me here. I pray that He would keep me open to learn from this situation.

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